It only took 5 weeks, but they’re finally finished!  Click below for the full slideshow (with some accompanying music), and be sure to check out the videos too!

Full Slideshow

Videos

Another reason that I like Africa?  Our flight out of Botswana and back to South Africa served beef jerky as the in-flight snack.  I’m not sure what kind of meat it was, the bag didn’t say, probably human meat, but I think it was delicious.  On this beef high we landed in Cape Town, South Africa.  We arrived early enough to watch Spain beat up Portugal, a game happening in our fair city, but viewed on the TV.

The next morning we got up early, taxied into town and prepared to drink some wine.  The Stellenbosch region of South Africa produces the vast majority of South Africa’s wine and is located about 45 minutes from downtown Cape Town. Our drive out included some SA history and sites such as the location of the first heart transplant, District Six (if you’ve seen the movie “District Nine”, it was loosely based on the SA government moving out black residents in slums from desirable real estate in the 70’s), and a crap load of townships.  Stellenbosch itself was beautiful and hilly, with mist pouring into the crevices between hills and vineyards and strawberry fields as far as you could see.

We started the wine tour by visiting Ernie Els’ winery.  It was super fancy on a hill top and mostly forgettable, like Els’ golf career.  After we were done drinking expensive wine there, we decided we hadn’t had enough cheetah fun and decided that we should go pet some.  I’m very allergic to cats so I was very excited to see if I’d be allergic to a cheetah.  After petting one that was very content to just lay there like a wet towel, I took my petting hand and molested my right eye.  This was in the name of science after all (and my secret black-market desire to ride a cheetah to work each day (more economical than using gas)).  No reaction!  My dream lives on.

After lunch brought some champagne tasting (although I guess that term is technically patented and so they call the booze MCC) into the picture.  We got to drink four or five nearly full glasses.  Excellent choice by our guide.  I even spilled some while talking to some Kiwis about American sports using some overly (thanks champagne makers) animated hand gestures.  Our last stop was to a place that was run by a guy who has created wine and chocolate pairing and that our guide called “the Rock Star of South African wine” – Kevin Arnold.  This did two things for me made me think of The Wonder Years (the lead charcter was Kevin Arnold) and how I love movies/shows much better when they have a narrator and a funny older brother, and it got me singing classic rock tunes in my head the whole bus ride home while everyone else slept.  Our guide also claimed, while we were tasting, that the tourists don’t know how to properly blow a vuvuzela and they he was “really good at blowing them”.  I didn’t think a plastic horn required much talent but I may need to work on my skills and then start Austin’s first vuvu free jazz experimental plastic instrumental band.

The next morning we got up ready to explore the city.  Cape Town is nestled between a big bay and Table Mountain, a huge table shaped mountain to the West.  There’s a funicular running up to the mountain, trouble is that it’s not always open because it’s rainy and/or really windy often in CT.  Locals say that if you’re in town and see the cable cars running that you should hurry to the mountain so you can see the top while it’s open.  Fortunately for us, after breakfast, we saw movement and made our way up.  The car that takes you up is an engineering marvel, as the floor does a full 360 rotation as you move up the cable so that everyone gets the same view.  It was a sunny day at the top and you could see all of Cape Town and halfway to the tip of Africa.

After Table Mountain, we took a bus tour of the coast, saw Green Pointe Soccer Stadium, walked the waterfront, explored the Bo Kaap – CT’s traditional muslim area and heard the call for prayer coming from a nearby mosque, searched for beers I hadn’t tried yet, and bartered for Africa trinkets.  While my bartering technique has changed a bit from my first Mexican experience, my general core techniques of starting really low and fake walking away served me well in picking up even more clutter for our house and friends.

The beginning of our last day in town, we had the bright idea of renting moped to drive from Cape Town to the Cape of Good Hope (the Southwestern most point of the continent).  We did this without really having any idea of the distance to the tip, an idea of speed limits, the joy of driving on the left hand side of the road, and with a looming 5pm flight back to the States (via Europe).  This presented many dangers, and since Tiff is definitely one for danger, we got some crude directions and set off.  After maneuvering up and around Table Mountain to the Western coast we both had a hang of our mopeds, we rented two, and had escaped most of the traffic.  We stopped a few times for pictures or to stretch our legs.  A few of these times, Tiff’s scooter didn’t want to start, and as we contemplated how we’d make do with no phone and a broken bike, we were always able to start it with the kick start.

I have to say that once the sun made its way over the mountains to warm us up, this was one of my favorite experiences of any of our foreign trips.  We were cranking along at 70 km per hour and I’m giggling at signs (“Baboons!”, “Robots in 250m”) and screaming along to lyrics from that Killers song “HE DOESN’T LOOK A THING LIKE JESUS / BUT HE TALKS JUST LIKE A GENTLEMAN” over and over mainly because there was no radio and that’s a good song when wind is plowing across your body.

Our scooter luck soured a bit when we noticed that my bike’s gas gauge was past the ‘E’ and into the red and we were in the middle of nowhere.  So we ditched my bike at a restaurant at a road junction and rode on Tiff’s to the Cape.  It was pretty amazing to be at the edge of a continent and we had a nice walk up to a lighthouse on a hill protecting the Cape and down to the beach at the southern most point.  I debated swimming but the water was in the 50s and I think it would have been a cold ride back in a wet jacket.  We were still relatively on time heading back but Tiff was starting to sweat the time just a bit.  On the ride back to get my moped, we noticed a clanging metal sound on Tiff’s scooter.  When we pulled into the restaurant, we noticed that the muffler brace was dangling, just barely on.  I took the brace off and left Tiff to contend with a moped that didn’t start all the time and had a clinky muffler.  The best part is that this was our better bike, only 400km old and didn’t rattle like mine.  Back to two bikes, we rode on looking for gas.  Fortunately we found a station and I filled up.  This is where trouble began though.  As Tiff went to open the seat access to her wallet and the gas tank, she inserted her key into the lock for the seat latch, turned to the right, and had the key snap off in the lock.

We freaked out a bit here.  We were in a Dutch town that neither of us could pronounce, we were three hours from leaving Africa and one hour from our hotel and bags, we had most of Tiff’s key stuck in the lock, had no access to her wallet or camera, and no way to start the bike.  Hmmmm.  We called the scooter company and they didn’t answer.  We then made an executive decision to abandon the bike at the gas station in the town we couldn’t pronounce in the continent where it’s not a good idea to even park your moto on the street at night.  Before leaving, we fiddled with the lock and decided we’d break the latch so we could get Tiff’s stuff.  For a bike that kept breaking, this would just be another step in the moped’s maturation process.  After a lot of pulling, we got the stuff out and didn’t have to smash up everything.  Tiff jumped on the back of my bike and, amazingly, we made it back without running off the road, breaking down, or wrecking.  We never got a hold of the moped rental place though.  We just hightailed it the hell out of Dodge.

And with that our African journey ended.  I’m already getting ready for Brazil in 2014.  Who’s in?

Quick hits:

• In my quest for the world’s best cheeseburger, I had a “breakfast burger” with hashbrowns, Canadian bacon, cheese, grilled onion, and some weird red sauce.
• Shakira’s song “Waka Waka (This Time for Africa)” is very good and I’ve been practicing the dance for Adam Boedeker’s bachelor party when we watch the World Cup finale where she’s going to play it live. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRpeEdMmmQ0
• At the Cape of Good Hope, we were briefly chased on our bike by an ostrich.  I hate ostriches and was very freaked out while I contemplated jump kick moves to destroy the ostrich and save Tiffy.
• “Mr. Big” (aka Christopher North) from Sex & the City was on our flight from Madrid.  I noticed him leaving the men’s room in Madrid because he didn’t wash his hands.  Then I noticed who he was.
• Traffic lights in South Africa are called robots.  This is amazing.

Hello from our third plane of the day.  We are en route to Cape Town to begin the last leg of our trip.  This morning we departed the fine country of Botswana and camp Xakanaxa.  Sadly, this camp is actually pronounced “Cock-a-knock-ah”.  Because of this, every time an employee would come up to me, I would flinch and cover my crotch.

Besides the crotch endangerment, we had the experience of sleeping in a tent with a King sized bed in it, but no power past 5pm.  So when we’d get back from afternoon game drives, the room would be lit up with candles and lanterns.  Each night at the camp, a guide would have to walk you to your room so that you weren’t eaten by wild animals.  This seemed funny to me until this morning when we unzipped our tent and saw a leopard lying in the grass 20 feet from us.  We debated whether or not to sound the alarm (an air horn in a leather case on our bookshelf) and instead opted to try to take pictures of the leopard while standing large.  The leopard quickly got tired of our paparazzi attempts and slunk further into the nearby woods.

Xakanaxa proved to be the camp with the coolest room and had lot of animals that we hadn’t seen.  This morning we caught up with six cheetahs and followed them from our jeep while they stalked some impala breakfast.  The whole jungle reacts as the cheetah get near.  Birds start squawking, impalas stare and snort but don’t run (stupid impala), and even the squirrels make a noise that our guide liked to impersonate.  In the end, the impalas got away because the cheetah was lazy (my opinion) and didn’t want to continue the chase.  But it was fun to watch them hunt.  We also got to see some wild dog hunt and a whole lot of lions sleeping in funny poses.  I hope to come back a few years down the road and embarrass the lions with these pictures the same way my mom loved to show the pictures of me potty training.

Xakanaxa sits on the Okavongo Delta and we also got to take a boat ride through the swamp which was relaxing and felt a bit like a video game come to life as we would maneuver through narrow lanes of high delta grass.  While on the Delta, we also got to ride in a traditional mokoro canoe made from the local Sausage Tree (despite my attempts to wait under this tree with eggs and pancakes, I couldn’t cajole any sausage to fall from the tree onto my breakfast plate.  We saw some hippos who looked just like the Hungry Hippo game (minus the neon pink one) and got to see a land hippo mark his territory by pooping and then spreading it like lawn fertilizer with his tail.

Before Xakanaxa, I had experienced my first small plane ride of my life going from Chobe to Savuti Safari Lodge.  That plane, a five seater Cessna, was possibly the first plane ever invented.  I think the name was the Spirit of Saint Louis and the Red Baron was our pilot.  Anyway, it was fun (scary) for the first five minutes and then bumpy and crazy enough that I had the pleasure of using the in-flight sick bag to deposit my lunch, and my breakfast, and possibly all of the candy I’ve already eaten on this trip.  It was the exact opposite of awesome.

Once on the ground though, the Gods of Equality allowed us to get the Honeymoon Suite room at Savuti – a series of private little cabins arranged throughout the camp.  It was possibly the most exciting, smelly and loud room (all good things) that I’ve ever stayed in.  Right outside our front door was a watering hole (set up by the government because much of Savuti is in the desert) that elephants loved to frequent.  At all hours of the day there were usually two to seven elephants slurping water, pushing each other out of the way with their tusks, and being awesome.  There was also a high voltage fence between our room and the elephants so they couldn’t crush us like ants.  When the sun would go down, there was a spotlight on the elephants so we wouldn’t miss the action and when we felt like sleeping, the elephants would trumpet to let us know they wanted more pictures taken.  Elephant – the most vain animal in Africa.

The camp was great and the people running it and guests were the most interesting of our trip.  We made some Australian friends and each night got to dine under the Botswana sky, a full moon, a different view of the elephants and enjoyed some really good food.  We even were treated to some traditional African song and dance by the staff complete with a woman doing shrieking cries that made the camp very worthwhile to me.

Our guide at Savuti, “Bubba”, was a bit of a renegade.  He wasn’t too good at spotting animals but he did like to drive really fast over very bumpy and sandy roads as soon as someone else would spot something.  On our last morning, we pulled into a spot where a leopard was stalking a small antelope.  The antelope got within five feet of the leopard and somehow was able to avoid the leopard’s pounce.  The leopard didn’t chase because it was lazy.  This furthers my theory that cats (jungle and domestic) are super lame.  After falling short, most cars watching the leopard left the area but we stuck around and sojourned off-road and about five feet away to take a picture of the leopard sleeping up close.  Bubba didn’t think this was a good enough picture for us so he drove at the sleeping leopard until it had to scramble away.

Now we’re headed to Cape Town – hopefully with fewer leopard encounters and more wine glasses.

I’m back to our room after just having had British High Tea whiling viewing the mist come off of Victoria Falls and two warthogs hangout on the nearby lawn. We arrived in Zimbabwe today, Monday, June 21, on a morning flight from Johannesburg. When we touched down, I thought for a second we might have to bribe the local officials to get into the country but apparently $60 US Dollars is the going rate. The economy is so bad here that they’ve all but abandoned the Zimbabwean dollar and have now opted to strictly use Euros and American Dollars which is good if you’ve got the cash, bad if you didn’t come prepared. Luckily, Tiffy plans for everything.

We toured Victoria Falls the following morning, taking a backwoods path accompanied by a security guard. There was elephant poop all over and we saw lots of monkeys hanging out. When we got to the Falls, we paid a $30 entrance fee and then decided to save $3 by skipping out on a poncho purchase. I have to remember to stop being so cheap. We got absolutely drenched. AND IT WAS AWESOME. It started out fairly innocuous with some light mist. As we moved closer to the bigger parts of the falls it moved to heavy mist to light rain to torrential down pour where we couldn’t see the falls in front of us. We dried off a little watching people bungee jump off the bridge between Zambabwe and Zambia. I think I’ve found a new worst job. After you’re done soiling yourself and are dangling upside down, they lower a local guy down on a rope to help you gather yourself and to help you back on the platform.

Later that afternoon we went shopping in town. We had heard a rumor that you could trade clothing for souvenirs so I brought along an old Purdue shirt. Sure enough, right away some guy wants to trade an elephant statue for my shoes. No dice. We stopped at the real stores to buy a $1 soda to break a $20. I guess they don’t have too much American currency because I got back a $2 bill and, I’m pretty sure, the first $1 bills ever printed. We decided to walk to the craft market next when two guys came up and wanted to sell us some trillion dollar bills. Trillion dollar bills? Yes, please. I worked out a deal with the guy but before I could pay a Tourism Police Officer showed up and ran the guy off in another language with me still holding the bills. I thought I might get revenge-killed for stealing but luckily, even though the cop walked around with us, the bill seller snuck into the craft market to collect and I gladly paid him. I’M A TRILLIONAIRE NOW!!! YOU WILL RESPECT ME OR I WILL HAVE YOU DESTROYED (on account of the fact that I have a trillion dollars and you don’t). I MIGHT BUY THE INTERNET OR YOUR CITY. I ONLY EAT BALD EAGLES TOPPED WITH GOLD SHAVINGS AND I WIPE MY BUTT WITH HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS BECAUSE THAT’S HOW TRILLIONAIRES LIVE.

The next day, we crossed the border into Botswana (complete with stepping on some wet rags because Botswana is against foot and mouth disease and this helps). Then loaded into an open air jeep and headed into “the bush”. I’m fond of this. We got to our camp after a brief elephant encounter near the road. Our hotel is awesome and sits in Chobe National Park on the Chobe River. Across the river is Namibia. Our hotel host says it’s safe to swim in the river. Today we took a boat ride and I saw a crocodile the length of a mini-van. Tiff says you’d have to pay her $7000 to just get in the river enough to submerge her body. So there’s that. We may not get to cross off Namibia. We have seen more elephants than I thought existed in the world. We also saw giraffes (nature’s weirdest animal), monkeys, baboons, water buffalo, a leopard, lions, impala (I haven’t seen a black SS with the nav-i-ga-tion version though), kudu, monitor lizards, bush bucks (our guide said they could “make their meat taste flavorless” if a predator shows up), warthogs (super ugly), badgers, and hippos. Sadly, I have not been able to pitch a watermelon into the mouth of a hippo yet. When we saw the leopard, he was hunting something and lying low on the ground. We pulled up perpendicular to him and watched him lying there. Shortly after, he saw something he liked and started moving – directly at me. I clenched my fists, and prepared to hide behind Tiffany. Then he ducked under our jeep and I got to live another day. There was much rejoicing.

Tomorrow we fly to another part of Chobe Park for more safari-ing and hopefully some cheetah sightings. I’ve been lugging around Cheetos and sunglasses for over a week now hoping to blend in and make lots of cheetah friends. We will see.

Go USA.